Okay, someone needs to get into Capcom HQ and start lobotomisin'. No, wait, that's too far. Maybe just a mild tap of the prefrontal lobe with a very small hammer. Something. Because they have opted to follow the frankly ludicrous Capcom Home Arcade with something that takes the cake even more than Lex Luthor. God, that's a dated reference, sorry. Look, don't worry about it.
The Capcom Retro Station. Yes mate. It's a promising name for sure, then you look at the flipping thing and realise it's basically a big wodge. Yes, a wodge. I don't know what it means either, but it's what this is. A wodge of game-bobs. And have you seen the selection? It's unreal. Hang on, let me dig it up.
Ten games! Ten. Now, this would be fine, were they all stonkers of the highest degree. But look at this list: Street Fighter II, Street Fighter II Champion Edition, Super Street Fighter II, Super Street Fighter II Turbo, Super Puzzle Fighter II Turbo, Mega Man: The Power Battle, Mega Man 2 The Power Fighters, Mega Man X, Mega Man Soccer, and Mega Man & Bass. Eh, mate? Eh? EH? Sorry, can we have another look at that? Can we get a picture of the unit up again?
THIS IS AN ARCADE INTERFACE. They are expecting you to play Mega Man X and Mega Man & Bass with a joystick. That's... no! I absolutely refuse. Did someone wish for Mega Man & Bass on a monkey paw? Was it you?? First they leave it off the Legacy Collections and now this. It's like insult to injury. Yes, indeed I do want to play Mega Man & Bass, but on something with a traditional joypad, y'know?
Maybe that big yellow stick snaps right off like that poor fellow's old lad at the end of Cannibal Holocaust, I don't know, maybe there's a D-pad under there, but that's still not ideal, is it? You can connect it to a TV with HDMI, but will there be a seperate controller? With a D-pad? So many unanswered questions. But that library, man, I don't know. All those versions of Street Fighter 2, but... multiplayer? Which is the entire point of Street Fighter? I just don't know.
As a curio, I won't deny I'm interested, but a projected price tag of over $200 for this bizarre mess makes me do a very confused face. If there's been some sort of misreporting and they end going "whoops! Sorry! It's not all those fiercely unsuited Mega Man games at all! It is, in fact, Three Wonders and - for some reason - Biomechanical Toy" then hooray! I will be happy to have been wrong. But, at present, I think we're going to be waiting a little bit longer for that dream Capcom machine.
Still, in the spirit of this... thing, I'd like to formally announce that I will be funding a producing the upcoming Pondbox which will feature James Pond: Underwater Agent, James Pond 2: Robocod (the original, not the false Robocod), Rolo to the Rescue and James Pond 3: Operation Splash. It's the shape of Master Chief's helmet and it will be controlled by the cycle from Prop Cycle, because nothing makes sense anymore in this crazy, wacky world.