The Master System Directory (An-Ar)
What would I give if I could live out of these waters
Andre Agassi Tennis (1993)
I couldn’t get anywhere in this game. Obviously a tennis sim, it’s less playable than Tennis on the Atari 2600. Though, having said that, I find that game pretty awesome still so it isn’t a good point of comparison. A good point of comparison would be, for example, a big pile of shit. Because Andre Agassi Tennis on the Sega Master System shares several (but not all) qualities with a mound of excrement. The whole thing is staggeringly over-animated, making for a stilted and deeply confusing game of tennis – I could never figure out, even having read the manual, even judiciously rewinding my gameplay, what positioning the game was expecting from me to return a freakin’ volley. It definitely looks great but the whole rhythm of it is out of whack, either supremely demanding to the point that it’s not fun or – much worse – it just doesn’t work. Sure, it’s possible I missed something, but I don’t think there’s any flow here and that’s what you need from an adaptation of this sport. *
Bonus content: Look at this screenshot.
Anyway.
Arcade Smash Hits (1993)
This is a compilation of Atari arcade games, though appears to lack any noticeable Atari branding. Three games are on offer, hoster for some reason by a weird little green scrimblo who makes digitised scrimblo noises. I don’t know why. At any rate, I’d say it’s pretty decent; the version of Centipede here seems pretty enjoyable and the take on Missile Command is a compelling, nice-looking presentation of a great game. Regrettably, the Breakout effort brings the whole package down. It plays just fine – good, even – but the stages have diagonally-scrolling repeated-tile backgrounds, an atrocious decision that makes it difficult even to look at. A shame, because without it you’d be looking at four stars here, but one simple aesthetic screw-up reduces Arcade Smash Hits by an entire point. Notably, the version of this game on Mega Drive and Game Gear (named simply Arcade Classics) replaces Breakout with Pong, which is for sure less exciting but obviously gives a welcome two-player option. ***
Argos no Juujiken (1988)
Hey, this Mark III game is Rygar! And it’s superb. I’d only very briefly touched Rygar on NES, which I understand is a completely different game. This is a port of the arcade version, of which I’ve no real knowledge, but based on playing this Sega console take I’m certainly going to move it up the list. I had a great time with this. It’s simple, fun, clean and fair. It challenged me, it killed me, but I never bolted upright and bellowed “that’s horse shit”, as I am wont to do when presented with horse shit. You basically just roam around the worlds at a reasonable clip, twatting monsters with your spiked yo-yo weapon and having a good old time. The view is quite zoomed out, making the sprites a little weedy, but that just means you can see the ambushes coming with enough reaction time to clear them skilfully. Graphically it’s no great shakes but somehow it works for a classic of this type. Jump and bop both the enemies and your head to the tunes. Not a masterpiece but there’s a whole lot of fun to be had here. ****
Ariel the Little Mermaid (1992)
Sprite flicker! The scourge of the Master System and at what I hope is its very worst here, in this Brazil-only port of the Game Gear game of the same vintage. Hans Christian Anderson would be spinning in his Copenhagen grave. You’re tasked with swimming around a bunch of different environments in order to rescue folk whom Ursula has transformed into “polyps”. Yes, I know I said that in the Game Gear Directory, but it bears repeating. What doesn’t bear repeating is me playing this piss-poor game. Having slagged it off, however, I will say – because you know I am an honest man when it comes to weird old games nobody cares about – I don’t hate this. Not truly. Not completely. Referring to the in-game map in order to ascertain your polyp’d pals’ locations is kind of neat, while later stages introduce some pretty decent backgrounds to enjoy. It’s replete with annoyances, however, such as Ariel’s seeming obsession with getting stuck on the walls, or the bizarre bullet-fest that is the first boss; so at odds with the level you’ve just played that it’s a jarring bit of whiplash. No, like I said, I don’t hate it. But I don’t particularly like it, either. It just had this little tiny atom of strangeness that makes me persevere in case the game turns out to be Gippcore. Reader, it was not. *
Bonus content: I took multiple screenshots of the Ariel game and the one above is the only image that actually showed Ariel, due to the constant flickering of the visuals. See below for some more screenshots of the game which do not feature its heroine due to technical incompetence.
Hello? Ariel?
Maybe she's strolling along down a... what's that word again? Street.
(Next: As-Ast)
