They are making a Sonic the Hedgehog movie and it looks like this

"God's creatures who cried themselves to sleep stirred to cry again." ~ Thomas Harris

In 1993, the movie adaptation of the worldwide phenomenon known as Super Mario Bros. was released to cinemas. While it was a box office flop, critics were and are unanimous that it presented the world of the videogames flawlessly, its adherence to establish Mario canon almost detrimentally slavish. Now, in 2019, we're finally about to see Sega's answer to Nintendo's beloved Bob Hoskins (RIP) vehicle, in Sonic the Hedgehog: The Movie: The Film: The Motion Picture Based on the Video Game "Sonic the Hedgehog".

With only a short trailer to go on, excitement for the project is at fever pitch and people are positively champing at the bit for the blur blur's long-awaited movie bow. So what are we looking at? We've got Ben Schwartz (Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja) starring as Sonic himself, alongside James Marsden (Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore) as Sonic's fast (!) friend, Tom. Keep an eye out for the scene wherein the two first meet - few will be able to retain their composure at Sonic's plaintive "meow...?", a nervous attempt to fool Tom into believing he is a cat.

This comedic vein clearly runs through the film, with the inspired casting of the 90s' own Jim Carrey (All In Good Taste) as the Sonic series' marvellous moustachio'd machiavellian, Dr Robotnik. His back-and-forth with high-ranking US military personnell will have you dancing out of the grindhouse with a broad smile on your thoroughly entertained face.

Sensibly, the filmmakers have opted to redesign Sonic a little - while he's a fairly appealing character in the games that make up his roots, that sort of look doesn't really transition well to cinema. According to one of Ingmar Bergman's private diaries that he kept during the filming of Wild Strawberries (1957), the average movie camera "favours the leg". On this basis, director Jeff Fowler opted to increase the lengths of his protagonist's limbs in order to create an easier-to-read visual language. Looking at this first trailer, I'd say he succeeded and then some.

Sonic the Hedgehog: TM: TF: TMPBOTVGSTH will release on November 8th this year. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to put a f[expletive deleted] shotgun in my mouth and pull the f[expletive deleted] trigger.