Game Gear Micro: Minuscule appeal

And it still takes batteries!

Well, it wouldn't be Sega if they didn't occasionally take leave of their senses and release something no human being could possibly want. So here we are, and the Game Gear Micro is here. You know, I wouldn't be averse to a little Game Gear in the same vein as the very much excellent Mega Drive Mini. Thirty to forty games, nice form factor. But no, this is... I don't know what this is. It's four models of miniature Game Gear so small that the nostalgic audience it's aimed at won't be able to see it, and a selection of four games per model. Normally here I'd list said games, but this business model is so bizarre it doesn't seem worth it. Sonic's on one of them. Baku Baku Animal, too. The rubbish Gunstar Heroes port checks in for some reason. There's some Shining Force nonsense that I'm sure is excellent but means nothing to me. Why not put all these on a single unit?

The weirdest thing about the whole misguided enterprise is that clear effort has been put into the presentation; M2 is responsible for the emulation again, with new music and cute menus... for a product with almost zero wide appeal. Oh, no, wait - the actual weirdest thing about the whole misguided enterprise is that pre-ordering all four units (est. $200) will net you a functioning replica of the Sega Big Window magnifier, so you can actually see the games to play them. Here's a wild idea; why not just make the actual screen big enough to see?

I'm afraid I can't read Japanese but I assume this is some manner of sincere apology.

If this seems like an atypical bout of exasperation, forgive me. But I look at this thing and I don't see potential. Even if it could be hacked to add new games, I wouldn't want to play them on a postage stamp-sized screen. The idea of "Classic Mini" hardware, surely, is to offer an appealing legal alternative to emulation? Who would choose this over, say, a hacked PSP? Or even just the 3DS Virtual Console, which presented its Game Gear titles beautifully.

Okay, breathe. It's a novelty. It's a toy. Not a sincere effort to bring the Game Gear's under-rated library to modern players. This is clear, and I shouldn't be so incredulous. It's almost certainly going to sell out. But I can't help but feel this means there's not going to be a better Game Gear solution short of emulating the thing. Which is fine, but... surely a unit with more games and a more accessible form factor would sell just as well, if not better? Wouldn't it? Am I being completely naive here?

The Sega Game Gear Micro, yesterday.

Maybe I'm jumping the gun; Sega wouldn't do just this for their 60th. There's got to be something better coming. A Master System Mini. Some sort of revised Sega Pico. Anything. A Sonic the Hedgehog tea towel. Sonic the Hedgehog divorce settlement papers. Sonic the Hedgehog payday loans.

Look, I'll level with you once again. My main cause of upset here is that none of the models include the actual best game on the Game Gear, the unreleased Yogi Bear's Gold Rush. Cowards.